How it started....

What compels people to use drugs? It is your typical question is'nt it? I started putting a needle in my arm at 18yrs old. I did it because i was always curious at what it was like. See i was one of those kids that had the world at her feet. I had optimism, a great life, supportive family and friends. I was always wanting to try new things and experience everything i could in life. And it was....simply that. I chose to let my boyfriend at the time put a needle in my arm because new experiences excited me. It was like i felt that my days were numbered. I just had to the most i could to get the most out of life. Life has a way of crumbling down when you are using. One crumb at a time. For me, i started not hanging out with friends that didnt use. Then, i started not going outdoors to the beach. I always went to the beach usually however this was not important anymore. I found myself in the mish mash crowd of people of all different ages, all hanging around at someone's house, smoking cigarettes and using ice. There was lots of drawing going on in some of those houses, just to keep the mind and body still from the rush of adrenaline pumping through your body at a racing speed. My main focus was to use the most drugs or the equal most drugs as my 'friends.' You never wanted anyone having more than you, and you would subtly watch like a hawk the person who was using next to you to see how much they were having. I ll tell you what the ice feels like? The initial rush of using ice, that first hit is like you have been catapulted into heaven seeing stars and rainbows....in Nirvana's word "Nothing Else Matters." It is that 5 seconds of glory that you chase again and again. It is hard to imagine being addicted to a drug unless you have actually been addicted. It is extremely hard to understand what it takes to change. Its not just stopping the drug, it is changing your whole way of life, the way you do things, think about things, your self esteem, your relationships. For me, i remember it was a blessing i got caught with drugs. I got onto a program and had to go to rehab. I remember going to rehab and not thinking i had a problem at all. I got into rehab, they made me put scabies cream on in the shower and i had to take off my clothes so they could search my clothes. I slept for 3 days straight and barely woke up during that time because my previous way of life on ice meant i would not sleep for 4-5 days at a time. I was always chasing this thing that meant so much to me.